My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I will pee on everything he values.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
