Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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