I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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