So drunk its hurt
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
