I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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