I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
