I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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