Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
