I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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