I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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