How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
