I look better un-naked...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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