Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
