hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
