I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
