So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize