Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
