What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
