I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
