i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
