even my farts smell like vagina
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
