I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
