its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
