I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
