I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
