You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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