so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
