Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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