marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
