And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
