the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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