She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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