i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
