grandma shit on top of the toilet
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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