How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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