What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize