i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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