Sry I called you an 8
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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