I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
it's like heaven, but drunker
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize