My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
