so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
