Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
