I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
