Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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