It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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