What a fucking waste of an outfit
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
