I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
