Will you blow on my dice?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
