You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
