i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
