____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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