I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
