I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
