Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
