i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize