if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize