So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
