I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
