He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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