i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
