I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
