I accidentally had phone sex last night
its not stalking. its research.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
