I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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