$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
