Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
