god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
