My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize