The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
