stop calling my apartment porn island.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize