You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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