Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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