just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
No I am not eating basil off your cock
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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