That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
