she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
