There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
